Lucky damn woman!

I noticed I've been writing blogs only on things that irritate me. And even though I'm good at that and known for it I thought I should take a minute or five to point out why I am so fucking lucky! Every day I wake up and feel loved. I have someone by my side, someone who has been there through it and even though we've had our share of hardships we've still made it out to the other side. That in itself makes me pretty damn lucky. But wait there's more. I can then look the other way and see 2 beautiful children who think I am the world, they love me through my best and worst and never change. That unconditional love is amazing. It's an earth shattering feeling that I am blessed to experience. On top of that I have some of the best in-laws an extended family nearby. They're always there for us the best they can be, no matter what. To most that's more than enough but I get luckier. I got a whole family of my own, sadly they aren't close, but they love me. Have always loved me. Have never judged me and always always help me when I'm brave enough to ask. They are some of the best people I know. Anyone who knows them is blessed. With all that said, I struggle. Everyday I struggle. And then I struggle with the fact that I'm struggling bc I have all this amazing stuff. It's just I know this isn't where I'm supposed to be life wise. Not the kids and family. That's all good. But the school and financially and job wise. I've fallen and I've fallen hard. I've let it all slip into a mess I never intended. So I struggle. I struggle everyday with who I am and have become and who I'm meant to be. I get angry. I fight. I yell. I cry. I struggle. And then I wake up and hit repeat. But that's all any of us can do I suppose. Try try again. Find your happiness and strive and fight like hell to make it happen. That's what I'm trying to do. I'm fighting and I refuse to drown. I will get where I'm supposed to be and I have an amazing person to look up someone who didn't get hers until later in life as well. Someone who went back to school older than I am. And again just a few years ago to further get nursing degree. My mom. For that I'm thankful bc that gives me hope. That gives me motivation!